Jason and Kira knew that divorce did not end their relationship with each other. They had two beautiful girls, which meant that they would be attending graduations, weddings, and possibly the births of future grandchildren together. Although their marriage had not been a happy one towards the end, they committed to letting things go and working together calmly and productively as co-parents.
This is a huge and essential step for all divorced parents. Your children deserve ongoing love and regular contact from both of you and are more likely to thrive through a divorce when contention and disagreements are at a minimum. Below is a list of five ways that Jason and Kira used to effectively co-parent after divorce, all of which you can use or modify to accommodate your relationship with your ex.
1. Keep an open dialogue
No matter how difficult your communications were during the marriage, commit to keeping an open dialogue for the children. You can do this through:
- Face to face conversations if you are on good terms after the divorce
- Emails
- Texting
Kira and Jason used a website designed specifically for busy co-parents. It allowed them to share information, send messages, and even upload schedules. This type of service can be a great solution for divorced parents who may find direct communication difficult.
2. Agree to speak positively about one another
Although Kira regularly vents about Jason to her friends, she never does so in their daughters’ presence. Both parents have committed to saying positive things about one another to the children. When the girls asked for pancakes for Sunday breakfast once, Jason took them to a diner, joking, “Mommy’s much better at making those than me. She’s an awesome cook.” Similarly, when the girls wanted their mother to go on a wild roller coaster ride with them, Kira got her sister to take them instead, saying, “Mommy’s not as brave as Daddy.”
3. Keep the rules consistent in both households
Although they may protest it, children need structure and routine. This includes the same mealtime, bedtime, and obligation to do homework and chores in both households. When they understand that certain rules will be enforced no matter where they are, it creates a sense of predictability and security. When Kira says, “You know you have to clean your room before you can use the iPad” she knows that Jason will tell them the same thing.
4. Be flexible
There will be times when your ex will request a temporary change to the schedule. Perhaps his parents are coming into town on a weekend when the children are with you, and he wants them to see their grandparents. Even if you’re not fond of your in-laws, letting the kids visit with them is both a positive gesture and an opportunity to ask for your own schedule change when you need it.
5. Revisit the schedule as the children grow
Unless your kids are older teenagers, you’ll be revisiting the schedule more than once as they grow. A schedule that meets the needs of a young child, for example, will probably be inappropriate for a 13-year-old. Commit to communicating openly about the needs of the children as they get older and remaining flexible and respectful.
Contact a California Family Law Attorney
Attorney Madan Ahluwalia understands that it is in the best interests of a child for their parents to maintain a positive and flexible co-parenting relationship after divorce. He will use his qualifications and experience to help you and your ex develop a plan that is satisfactory for all parties and makes your kids feel safe and loved. For more information, contact Ahluwalia Law P.C.
