Making the choice to divorce is an extremely difficult one. You know that you are doing the right thing for yourself (and possibly your children), but that period between separation and divorce represents a major transition for everyone involved. It’s especially challenging during the holiday season, which is traditionally a time of family unity and celebration.
The good news is that this is also a time of positive change. You are beginning a new, hopefully better chapter in your life. Here are 7 New Year’s resolutions that can give you the best possible start as you move forward.
- I Resolve to Make the Best Possible Life for My Children
Divorce is hard on children, too. They have to adjust to living without both parents in the home and may even face moving, changing schools, and making new friends. Being there for them and making the transition as gentle as possible will help them adjust and accept their new circumstances more quickly.
You can:
- Encourage them to see their old friends as much as possible
- Support routine visitation with your ex
- Let them see their new school in advance, if possible
- I Resolve to Not Fight With My Ex in Front of the Children
Seeing their parents separate is hard enough on children. Active animosity makes it even worse. Younger children in particular internalize their parents’ marital strife and tend to blame themselves for the break-up. Reassure them whenever necessary and, if you must indulge in a potentially unpleasant conversation with your ex, do it out of their earshot.
Things to remember:
- Reassure the kids that the divorce is not their fault and both parents still love them
- Have contentious conversations with your ex via email or text (if you must have them) to minimize the risk of the children hearing
- I Resolve to Explore New Hobbies and Activities
Everyone has a pastime they really enjoy. Perhaps you love cross-country skiing or spending the day browsing the city’s art museums, but your ex was less than enthusiastic and you gave it up for a while. Now is the time to explore those hobbies again and, in the process, meet new friends who share your interests. For example:
- Join a local club dedicated to your interests
- Start a local-themed Facebook group that can help you meet like-minded people
- I Resolve to Work Towards (Insert Your Goal Here)
Goals are an excellent way of structuring your days and giving yourself something to look forward to. Have you always wanted to turn that extra room into a personal library? Shop for bookcases and organize your books. Want to participate in a spring marathon? Join your local gym and start training. These activities give you less time to ruminate on the divorce and make your outlook more positive.
- I Resolve to Keep a Positive Outlook
Although you may feel down about the demise of your marriage, there is nothing to be gained from dwelling on it. Stay positive, upbeat, and open to new experiences. This is a temporary situation, not the end of the world. Let your life go on. You’ll be happier, and so will your children. Try some tips like the following:
- Sign up for a yoga class to support better relaxation techniques
- Think about the things you are grateful for and the exciting possibilities that the future represents
- I Resolve to Stop Speaking Ill of My Former Spouse
Even if he or she truly was a terrible person who broke your heart, resist the urge to badmouth them to your friends, family, and associates. Such behavior anchors you in the present and keeps you from moving on. Your children may also hear you, and although you may despise your ex, the kids have the right to enjoy an untainted relationship with their other parent.
- I Resolve to Take the Best Possible Care of Myself
A fresh start requires you to be sound and healthy in both mind and body. Exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and eat balanced meals. If the divorce continues to affect you mentally and emotionally, see a therapist.
Treat the New Year as a new beginning. Instead of letting yourself be overwhelmed by the negatives changes your life has recently undergone, embrace the opportunity to create a newer, happier you.
If you are preparing to file for divorce and need experienced and supportive legal representation, please call Ahluwalia Law P.C. today. We will protect your interests and those of your children and help you get the fresh start you deserve.
