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Careful Communication: 4 Tips on How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

It’s the conversation you are dreading: having to tell your children that you and your spouse have decided to divorce. You don’t want to let them down and have to watch them process this news that is, to them, earth-shattering. However, you know it must be done. To make this discussion easier on everyone involved, Ahluwalia Law has prepared the following four key pieces of advice.

  1. Gather everyone – yes, that includes your soon-to-be-ex – together in one room to break the news. If at all possible, you should have your partner in the room. Remember that this time is for your children, not for hashing out your many disagreements. 
  2. Plan out and rehearse what you are going to say to your children. It is extremely important for you and your ex to present a unified front and message when you break the news to your children. Children already have a hard enough time coping with change; hearing conflicting messages will not be good for their wellbeing. There are a few things that you should hammer home in this initial conversation and keep repeating for months:
  • You and your ex do not love your children any less. The decision to divorce was made between adults, and is strictly a “grown-up thing.”
  • Except in splits where domestic violence or criminal behavior is involved, your children will continue to see and spend time with both parents. 
  • Tell them that they can always come to either of you with questions or concerns. Be there for your kids. 
  1. Let your children know what will happen to them and how the divorce might affect them. As well as you know your children, you will probably not be able to correctly predict exactly what they will say or how they react. Therefore, the best practice when letting your kids know about your decision is to tell them the logistics of everything in a caring, but straightforward manner. Children tend to view everything through the lens of “How will this affect me?” so don’t be confused if they only ask about seemingly trivial things, like “Where am I going to open presents at Christmas?” and other matters. 
  2. Tell them that everything is going to be okay. Everyone needs to hear this fact, and that includes you. Your children might feel like their world is crumbling, so you need to reassure them and let them know that you are still family and that you will never stop loving them. 

Conclusion

Ahluwalia Law, P.C. understands exactly how difficult divorce can be on children. We have a particular focus on getting divorce cases through the court as efficiently as possible, which often minimizes stress on everyone. Whatever your divorce looks like, our firm would be honored to be your counsel throughout the process. Get in touch with us at 408-416-3149 to receive a free consultation today.