Most parents’ first consideration when getting a divorce is what will happen to their children. Divorce can be profoundly emotionally impactful on children. Over half of all marriages end in divorce, which means that plenty of parents are children of divorce themselves. They know how it feels. Some couples even hold off on a divorce until their children have gone through school and moved out of the house.
For adult children, the consideration is not as strong. Legally, adult children are not a consideration in the divorce process. Even if they still live with their parents, custody or visitation is never on the table. This can lead to many parents not considering the way their adult children are being affected by their divorce, even as they are involving them directly in it.
Many parents will put their children in an uncomfortable position by pressuring them to choose a side between their two parents. This pressure can happen explicitly through words or implicitly through their actions. The parents want to feel validated in their moral stance through the divorce, but that emotional weight is not the child’s to bear. Even if they are above the age of eighteen, choosing a parent to validate is not a healthy process.
The divorce can also lead to an uncomfortable role reversal for the child. Parents will sometimes start to vent to their children about the divorce process, forcing them to deal with intense opinions about their parents in unfairly casual ways. Parents may also come to their children with questions about dating, which can be strange. Adult children may be expected to become confidants and counselors for their parents, in a way they never expected to.
The divorce can have consequences on the adult children entirely unrelated to their parents. Children, having had their primary example of a successful marriage shattered, may start to doubt their own relationships. Adult children can see their parents as the solid rock they aspire to be, and can feel like if their parents couldn’t make it, they can’t make it either. It is not uncommon for one divorce to lead to another.
Parents can put a lot of consideration into their young children’s feelings about divorce, but tend to not consider them if they already have lives of their own. Despite how anyone feels about it, divorce is still a necessary process for lots of couples. Being as respectful to your children as possible is the best way to do it. If you have any questions about divorce, contact Ahluwalia Law Professional Corporation today! We will help you as soon as possible!
